The Ice Cream Party... Or, How Not To Organize A Writer's Retreat

“So, I’ve been thinking that it might be a lot of fun if we got together to have a dish of ice cream.  Does that sound like a good idea to you?”

“Absolutely!  I love ice cream.  That sounds like terrific fun.”

“Perfect, I’m going to do some research and find the best ice cream I can, at the best price, and I’ll let you know what I discover.”

“That would be great.  I don’t have a lot of time to figure this stuff out, but I love doing fun things.  Thank you for coming up with these great ideas.  We’re going to have a good time.  You’re so good at organizing this stuff.”

“Thank you, it’s my pleasure.  I love planning fun things that people enjoy.”

***Research, Planning, Research***

“Hey, I did all the research.  I found a really great place that has picnic tables in the shade, and they serve delicious ice cream, and it’s affordable, are you still interested in an ice cream party?”

“Absolutely!  Thank you so much for doing all that work.  That’s really cool.”

“Great!  Here’s all the information.  I thought I’d invite a bunch of other friends to join us for ice cream.  Is that okay with you?”

“Yes!  Ice cream is always more fun with friends.”

“Wonderful!  I’m going to send you an email with all the details and a map, and I’ll put it on my website, and my social media, too, so you can find all the information easily, and sign up to join the ice cream party.  We’re going to have a good time.”

“Fantastic!  I’ll look for it and follow your instructions to meet everyone for ice cream.  I’m really looking forward to this.  It is very exciting.”

***Two Months Later***

“Hey, don’t forget, I need to have your RSVP for the ice cream party.  The nice lady at the ice cream shop said that she’s really excited for us to have our party at her shop, but she needs plenty of time to plan.  So, please RSVP as soon as you can, okay?”

“Of course!  I’ll check my calendar and let you know right away.”

**** Two More Months Later****

“I’m really sad.  You didn’t RSVP for the ice cream party.  In fact, no one did.  So, I had to cancel the party.  It was unfair to the nice lady at the shop to hold that big room open for us for so long.  She really wanted to help another group.  They were very excited to have an ice cream party there, too.”

“How terrible.  I’m sorry it didn’t work out.  It’s too bad no one signed up for the party.”

“I noticed you didn’t sign up, either.  I thought this party was something you wanted to do.  Can you tell me why you changed your mind about it?  If you tell me what I did wrong, I can fix it, and redesign the ice cream party so it’s more interesting and fun for you.”

“Well, I didn’t like the location…”

“Where would you like to go instead?”

“I don’t know, but I didn’t like the place you picked.”

“Okay, what else did I do wrong?”

“Well, it was too expensive…”

“I understand, money is tight for a lot of folks right now.  What would you rather pay?  What’s a fair price for an ice cream party?”

“I don’t know… but your price was too much.”

“Okay, what else did I do wrong?”

“Well, I didn’t like the flavor of ice cream you suggested…”

“That makes sense, there are at least 31 flavors of ice cream in the world, not everyone likes vanilla.  What flavor of ice cream do you like?”

“I don’t know… but not vanilla…”

“Okay, what about chocolate?  Do you like chocolate ice cream?”

“No, I don’t like chocolate, either…”

“Fair enough.  Vanilla and chocolate can be pretty dull.  What flavor of ice cream would make you happiest?”

“I don’t know… but not chocolate or vanilla…”

***Long.  Awkward.  Silence.***

“Okay then.  I got nearly identical answers from about forty other people.  I think I’m done here.”

“What do you mean?  I thought we were all going to have fun at an ice cream party?”

“I’d love that, but it’s impossible for me to make the party fun, if you won’t tell me what kind of party you want.  I can’t read your mind, and I can’t guess at what flavors of ice cream you like… and quite frankly, I’m exhausted.  Planning an ice cream party that no one wants to attend has been a lot of work.  Ice cream parties are supposed to be fun, not work.  So, I think I’m done.”

“What?  What do you mean?  I thought we were going to have an ice cream party?  What will we do now?”

“I don’t know.  Send me an email when you figure it out.  If your version of an ice cream party sounds like fun to me, maybe I’ll join you.”

“But that’s a lot of work.”

“Yes, I know.  That’s why I’m not doing it anymore.  It’s a lot; and to be honest, the failure at organizing an ice cream party people don’t want to attend is worse than writing books no one wants to read.  At least I have fun writing books… and that doesn’t feel like work to me. 

“So, I’m just going to go over here and sit at my desk, quietly doing stuff that makes me happy.  When you decide the best place to have an ice cream party, let me know. 

“I might join you… if it’s not too far away… and if it’s affordable… and if the place you’ve chosen has the flavor of ice cream I like.”
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“Ummm…”

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